A Tier List For All Things Fall Posted on 25 Sep 10:27

Summer… is DEAD. Fall is ALIVE! Okay, yes, technically fall starts on September 21st, but only nerds actually follow that. It’s September, and we all know September is The Fall Month. That means it’s officially time to get in the Fall Mood – and you know what we’re talking about. We’re going down and ranking All Things Fall, from worst to best, to get you the right mindset for the season. 

D-TIER: 

Nothing in the fall season qualifies as D-tier. The vibes of the season are simply too immaculate for anything to “fall” this low. 

C-TIER:

Back-to-school, pumpkin spice everything, pumpkin patches, hayrides

Back-to-school season can be a fun vibe, and it’s exciting to wear some new Chubbies to your new classes, but let’s be honest: the transition from summer back to having annoying classmates and homework can be pretty brutal. It’s not the worst, but definitely not the best. And pumpkin spice, as a concept… look. It’s fine. Sometimes it’s even pretty good. But do we really need pumpkin spice toothpaste? Enough already. We get it. 

B-TIER:

Hot apple cider, leaves falling, sweaters & flannels, mosquitos dying 

Now we’re getting real. Hot apple cider? On a chilly fall night? Scenes of golden foliage and piles of leaves lining the sidewalk? GIVE IT TO US. NOW. Bundling up in a flannel as you head out to an evening hayride? Winter has no equal. Spring has no equal. Summer… has no equal. However, as cozy and iconic as all these aspects are, the best is yet to come…

A-TIER: Football, Halloween, Thanksgiving

Oh yeah. Now that’s the good stuff. NFL and college football every single week until the rest of the year. It literally Does. Not. Get. Better. Except, wait a minute, what’s that? Two major holidays, less than a month apart, that cover the entire spectrum between Silly, Extravagant Partying and Wholesome Family Reunions? Whoever designed the calendar from the stretch of time between mid-October to late November was absolutely cooking. Not only is Halloween the one holiday that provides completely separate, yet completely fun celebration avenues for both kids and adults, but Thanksgiving also comes with an entire week-long break off of school all to itself. 

Buckle up and bundle up folks, because the best of fall is just on the horizon. Cozy on up – in a Chubbies sweater or overshirt, perhaps? 😉 – and revel in all the adorable trappings of fall while they last. Because even though September has only just begun now, always remember: Winter is coming.

Sports We Think Should Be Included in the Summer 2028 Olympics Posted on 6 Aug 16:57

In 2028, the Olympics comes home. That’s right – Los Angeles is hosting the Summer 2028 Olympics, the first time America has hosted in 44 years. So this is our chance y’all. This is our chance to finally introduce some classic American “sports” to the rest of the world. Here’s what we’re thinking… 

• Bags/Cornhole
• Is there anything more American than playing a game of bags in the backyard during a barbeque? It has everything: hand-eye coordination, suspense, advanced throwing techniques, and a weird, confusing way of keeping score. And c’mon – you know we’d mop any other country in Olympic Cornhole. 
• Pickleball (Duh)
• It’s Pickleball. We’re Chubbies. We’re America. Enough said. The only real question here is… who would take home silver? Our money’s on Serbia. 
• Egg & Spoon Racing
• Imagine the world’s greatest athletes, forced to balance an egg on a spoon as they race to the finish line. It’s the ultimate combination of speed and balance, with the added benefit of any mistake instantly being as embarrassing as possible. C’mon, Olympic Committee. Make. It. Happen. 
• H.O.R.S.E. (not basketball)
• Olympic basketball is one thing. Olympic H.O.R.S.E.? Now we’re cooking with gas. We’re talking the most insane trick shots imaginable, set up in a 1v1 single-elimination tournament bracket. Imagine the stakes! The suspense! The sheer insanity of the trick shots! 
• Go Fish
• We’ll be honest, we just want to see incredibly fit athletes sitting around playing a card game. It would be kind of a nice palate cleanser in between events, right? Like a relaxing little intermission between the more intense outings.
• Hot Dog Eating Contest
• It’s time for Joey Chestnut to become an Olympic gold medalist and become officially cemented as an American icon. It’s time for him to avenge being left out of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest this year. It’s time for the rest of the world to see what eating hot dogs is really about. 

All in all, America could easily rack up like 15-20 more gold medals with additions like these, don’t you think? Did we miss anything super obvious? C’mon Olympic Committee…. We know you’re getting these emails. Let’s make this happen.

“Jenga counts as a sport, okay?” – Blake “Avoided Gym Class Because He Was In Marching Band” von Thaden and the other athletes at Chubbies 

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